It has been over 7 months now since I have seen or talked to my children. I am getting desperate for help. I am going to apologize to Chris’ siblings for having to go as far as this to try to get help finding my children. I am not going to use any of your names but your story will be here. I am sorry for that! I didn’t want it to go this far but I don’t feel like people are understanding the danger my kids are in.
Everything in this blog is facts from evaluations done on Chris and his 4 siblings taken out of the care of their mother and father/stepfather. I have documentation to back up any and everything I put on here. Why am I doing this? Because as much as I have asked for help to find my kids nobody is responding, so out of desperation for help, that is why I am doing this. Chris is living with his mom, Carole Lynn Eubanks Tolbert McGirr, stepfather, James McGirr, 2 children they had after the other 5 children were taken, (1 in which is/was pregnant at age 16) and another child that I believe Chris was dating. (I also have documentation to back that up). At this point I don’t think that is relevant.
This evaluation was done October 10, 1995 on Christopher Tolbert at age 16. He was in the custody of the Casey Family Program (a foster care agency). Carole and James McGirr were involved with social services since 1981 due to numerous reports of child neglect. Chris and siblings were placed in foster care several times and returned to his mother. However, Mrs. McGirr was charged with abandonment and her parental rights were terminated on October 9,1992. She has not Seen Chris since November, 1989. Chris’ birth father, Frank Allen Tolbert was killed as a result of an automobile accident in 1985. (Chris has told me several times as well as a few friends that his first memory of childhood is his stepfather cutting the brake lines to his dads car). A report from an OCS worker states Chris entered foster care at age 12. Before that time, Chris had been the primary caretaker of his four siblings for most of his life because his mother was “very immature, unstable and irresponsible.” Because of Chris having behavior problems he lived in several foster placements. He was retained in the 6th grade due to failing grades. He was suspended in the 7th grade for fighting with a peer on the bus.
Chris stated that there were gaps in his memory of the past. He did describe physical abuse by his step-father while living with his birth mother. Chris witnessed his mother and aunt being physically abused by men, and took action to intervene. Chris’ stories did not make logical sense which lead the examiner to question the reliability of his statements. Chris may have been describing how he wanted to act rather than his actual behavior. He certainly perceived himself as a “protector” of women and had a very negative view of the adult males in his early life.
According to Chris, his grandmother told him his moth left Chris and his siblings because they were bad and she wanted to start a new family. Chris believes this to be somewhat true. He stated that his siblings were disobedient at times, but also stated his mother was very inconsistent in her discipline and the children would act out. Despite these beliefs, Chris hopes that one day she will return.
Chris tended to rationalize his difficulties at the various foster homes as a result of the foster parents changing the rules to make him more restricted. Chris blamed the foster parents for his own acting-out behaviors . In order to cope, Chris reported he detaches and does not think about things that “hurt too much”. Chris stated that his attitude and anger control were most problematic. He reported he often gets mad for no apparent reason.
Chris denied using any drugs at the time of this evaluation, but reported his mother and step-father allowed him to drink alcohol, smoke marijuana and us cocaine with them when he was 5-7 years old. (Keep in mind D.J. and Christian are 7 and fixing to be 5).
Chris acknowledged hearing voices since age 10 and having one visual hallucination (faint images of ghosts flying around his room). Chris stated that he hears three distinct voices, one woman and two male voices. He described each as having a specific task to help him. The woman’s voice helps him with school work and gives him advice to study and do his work. An adult male voice helps him with doing his chores and looking for jobs. A male peer voice tells him what he should and should not do which Chris calls his own conscience. Chris reported this voices always tell him the right thing to do even though he often does not follow the voices advice and does things that result in negative consequences.
Interview with Chris’ foster mom:
The foster mom described many relationship difficulties between Chris and his peers, especially male peers, Chris had not maintained any male relationships and tended to pester female peers. One female peer had Chris’ telephone number blocked by the phone company to stop his constant phone calls. The mother of another female peer called the foster mom to complain about Chris’ foul language and derogatory comments Chris allegedly made to her daughter. The foster mom Characterized Chris as very immature, keeping many stuffed animals and other childish toys. He is very gullible and she is concerned that peers can persuade him to do almost anything. Chris uses the phone excessively and “meets” girls on the phone, talks to them for a short time and thinks he wants to marry them. Most of Chris’ female friends do not want a romantic relationship with Chris, and , and Chris often interfere in these girls’ relationships with their boyfriends.
The foster mom described Chris as very sweet, bright and a very hard worker. However, “behind your back he is a totally different child.” Chris often lies and uses very foul language to impress peers. On the other hand, he is typically very respectful to adults. The foster mom perceived Chris’ major behavioral problems to include: running away, smoking, getting drunk, missing curfew, allowing others into her home without permission, and not completing chores.
Chris reported experiencing many significant psychological problems. During his childhood, he has witnessed and experienced abuse and neglect. The adult males in his life were abusive and the significant females were inconsistent and ineffective as caretakers. His male sexual identity does not appear to be adequately developed and he tends to be very immature. He has engaged in delinquent acts such as running away, abusing alcohol, and disregarding rules. His peer relationships are very poor. He lacks insight into his problems and blames others for his own problems or rationalizes his deviant behavior.
The Adolescent Dissociation Scale. The ADS is a research instrument currently under development which purports to measure adolescent dissociative symptomatology. However, quantitative measurements norms have not yet been obtained. Qualitative review of Chris’ responses revealed he endorsed item related to getting so deeply absorbed in something that he is able to block out any distractions, hearing voices, flashbacks and memory difficulties.
Minnesota Multiphasic Personality Inventory-Adolescent:
The MMPI-A is an objective test measuring a number of dimensions of personality functioning and psychopathology. Chris indicated above critical level of T=65 (Bizarre Mentation and Cynicism), indicating some psychopathology. His response patterns are characteristic of persons who are rebellious and resentful of authority. Results are also consistent with individuals who tend to make a very good first impression but relationships tend to be shallow and superficial as others become aware of manipulation, deception and unrealistic expectations. Furthermore, Chris’ profile is indicative of a person who is predisposed to paranoia. Chris likely is overly sensitive and views his environment as very demanding and not particularly supportive. He may question the motives of others and may be hostile, overbearing an untrusting in relationships. He may feel that he is being treated unfairly and tends to rationalize and blame others for his own difficulties. He may be experiencing some psychotic thought processes including hallucinations. Other risk factors of this personality profile includes the possibility of alcoholism and other antisocial behaviors. Anger and resentment are common with this profile and Chris may be seen by others as emotionally labile and moody.
He has had significant behavior problems at home and peer relationship difficulties. His foster parents have attempted to modify his negative behaviors but have not been able to find any discipline strategy that was consistently effective.
There are likely a number of factors contributing to Chris’ negative behaviors. Due to the absence of birth family background information, it cannot be determined whether or not Chris is predisposed to psychopathology from a positive family history of organicity. However, it is known that his birth mother apparently was unable to care for her children and abandoned Chris and his siblings. Chris developed a negative view of males from repeated experiences of the significant men in his life mistreating woman and children and abusing alcohol and/or drugs. Discipline for Chris’ own behavior problems was likely inconsistent and he did not learn appropriate consequences for misbehavior. As a result, Chris may view women as helpless and irresponsible and unable to protect him. Furthermore, Chris’ own sexual identity does not seem to be appropriately developed.
Chris now lacks insight into his problems and blames others for his difficulties. He tends to shut off his feelings of betrayal and abandonment which may have resulted in dissociative experiences. He takes a detached approach coping with issues that are emotionally painful and harbors unrealistic fantasies of future possibilities. He is not exhibiting significant depressive symptomatology.
“THE DATA ALSO SUGGEST THAT CHRIS IS EXHIBITING MANY CHARACTERISTICS THAT IN THE FUTURE COULD LEAD TO MORE SERIOUS PSYCHOPATHOLOGY SUCH AS ANTISOCIAL BEHAVIORS, PARANOIA AND PSYCHOTIC EXPERIENCES. HE HAS BEEN UNABLE TO MAINTAIN HEALTHY PEER RELATIONSHIPS. IN ADDITION, HE HAS BEEN REMOVED FROM SEVERAL FOSTER PLACEMENTS. HE IS AT-RISK FOR FURTHER ACTING-OUT BEHAVIOR AND NEGATIVE PEER PRESSURE (I.E., ALCOHOL OR DRUG ABUSE, AND SEXUAL PROMISCUITY).”
Chris’ siblings. Again I will not use their names, but if there is somebody that is willing to help me I am more than willing to hand over the paperwork that I have to prove the kind of people that Chris has my kids living with. The next document I have is first regarding to the 2 girls. The oldest was born in 82 the other was born in 85. Second the 2 boys oldest boy in 83 the other in 86. The younger 4 children show signs of sexual abuse and were put in group therapy for that. The oldest daughter was noticed to be very moody and easily irritated, yells at her siblings, loves to be in the midst of adult conversation, especially men. Her face tends to light up when teenage boys are around. (at this time she is 14). There was an incident where she became so mad that the foster parents she lived with told the Doctors that the next time she threw a fit she would have to be put in another home. The foster mom was scared of the child because of their sizes.
In 1996 they located Carole (the biological mother). They learned that she had given birth to 2 more children, a boy and a girl, since her parental rights were terminated. Chris was told by his biological mother that she wants him to come live with her when he gets to be eighteen years old. Chris informed the oldest girl of this plan and has told her “not to be adopted” and he will come get her or “mom” will come get her when she is eighteen years old.
“Each of the children have a history of severe neglect and likely exposure to sexually inappropriate adult activities. They have a history of sexual acting-out among themselves and are described as in need of excessive attention and nurturance. At various times, each child has shown certain behavioral and emotional disturbances.
The oldest boy. Age 8. He seemed very confused that a previous foster family were his biological parents. He talked about how his parents did not provide food for the children and frequently spanked them. His parents were described as drug users who encouraged marijuana smoking. Their clothes were often dirty and inadequate. He referred to a form of punishment where he was required to stand on his head in a corner.
To the examiner he described how his older brother, Chris, was physically abused by his father. His mother, Carole, was referred to as “ she ate most of the food.” He outlined how his parents smoked marijuana cigarette. He referred to having to stand on his head in the corner and not being allowed to go to the bathroom when needed.
The youngest daughter. Age 6. She described strong negative feelings about her biological parents. These references were about the poor supervision and care they provided the children. In discussion of possible sexual abuse in this child, she stated that at first she recalled her father, Jim, touching her genitalia. She then stated that he touched her vagina with the end of a pen.
The youngest boy. Age 5. It was told that he French kissed the 14 year old daughter of his foster family. And has made similar affectional gestures with strangers. He has also tried to hug and kiss the foster mother inappropriately. It was described how he made attempts to come too close to other and thus, violates their personal space. The foster mother admitted that she and other are uncomfortable with his social style. At times when he comes close, he sometimes moans or makes sensual sounds.
In April 1991, he was observed to touch his genitals in public. This quickly dropped out of his repertoire when he was confronted by the foster mother. About on month ago, ostensibly because he was frightened in the night, he requested to come to bed with the foster parents. Later his foster mom observed him masturbating and confronted the child about it.
This is only about half of the documentation that I have. I hope that my point has been made. The people that my children are with are very dangerous. I AM BEGGING FOR HELP FOR MY BABIES.
D.J. AND CHRISTIAN. I KNOW YOU WILL NEVER SEE THIS BUT I FEEL BETTER SAYING IT. I LOVE YOU GUYS AND MISS YOU SO MUCH. I PROMISE I WILL FIND YOU AND WE WILL ALL BE A FAMILY AGAIN. SARAH AND DALLAS LOVE AND MISS YOU ALSO. D.J. FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY I BROUGHT HOME BALLOONS FROM WORK AND WE WROTE ON THEM THAT WE LOVE YOU AND MISS YOU AND SET THE BALLOONS FREE IN THE AIR. CHRISTIAN I PLAN TO DO THE SAME FOR YOU WHEN YOUR BIRTHDAY COMES.
A MOTHER’S LOVE NEVER DIES, NEVER HAS CONDITIONS, NEVER ASKS QUESTIONS AND MOST IMPORTANTLY NEVER ABANDONS THEIR CHILDREN. MOMMA IS HERE FOR YOU GUYS AND I ALWAYS WILL BE!
Thursday, June 17, 2010
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
My husband and I met on April 26, 2002. We were married on October 12, 2002. Shortly after we were married we found out I was pregnant. I had one child ( Sarah) from a previous relationship. A couple months before I had our son, my husband (Chris) walked out on us. He told me “I’m not in love with you, I’m in love with someone else.” He packed up his stuff and left. He went to stay at his “brothers” house (where his ex stayed all the time). I went and talked to him trying to salvage our marriage. We ended up talking things out and he came back home. The night before I went in to labor he again tells me “I’m not in love with you, I’m in love with someone else.” He packed his stuff into his car and I got down on my knees in gravel and begged him to stay cause my labor pains had already started. We went to bed and because I was in so much pain I was not able to sleep very well. Needless to say about 4 am I woke Chris up and asked him to bring me to the hospital cause I was in labor. When my son (Duane) (D.J.) was born he swallow a bow movement and was having trouble breathing. They let us hold him for a minute and then took him to the nursery. They said once they got the breathing straight they would bring him to my room. Later that night he was brought to me. Chris came up after work and I asked him if he would stay long enough so I can get a bath. He said yes. So while I was in the tub we talked a little bit. I asked him if his car was still loaded down. He said no that he unloaded it at Kent’s ( his brother) house. I asked him if he was going to really do this and he said yes. I got out the bath and got dressed and when I walked out the bathroom he was holding D.J. I asked him what he thought about his first born son and he said “he’s not mine, he don’t look like me.” He put the baby down and left. We were discharged a day or two later and went home. Chris’s sisters heard what he did and came down and stayed with me a couple days. I brought them to see him and he came by the house. They talked him into working things out with me, so he stayed and talked and ended up coming back home.
One day Chris came home from work and was on crutches. I don’t remember what happened. He was still able to work but was sitting in the car all day watching the gate where the job was. Well one day I got on the computer to find an email from Chris to some girl with an email address babygirl something. The email was giving this girl directions to where he was working, asking her to meet him. The email address he had obviously was not the correct one cause it came back as failed delivery.
Mardi Gras the following year we went to the Spanish Town parade were we met up with Kent. I had called a friend of mine and had her husband and kids meet us. Well they had his cousin (Doug) and girlfriend (Christina) meet us. At the last minute Doug backed out leaving Christina to go with us. Well Chris and Christina had been drinking and after the parade started Chris and Christina came up missing for a little bit. I went back to the house and found my friends husband (Mike) standing at the bathroom door. I asked him if he knew where Chris was, he said he thinks he is in the bathroom. I said ok where is Christina. He said he hadn’t seen her. I knocked on the door and asked Chris what he was doing, he said he was taking a shit. I asked him where Christina was and he said she had walked in on him. I went around to the other door to find her walking out and him pulling his pants up. I hit him a few times and left. His family or somebody called the cops and when we started walking away the cop walked up to me and told me I needed to wait for him to walk away and if I hit him again she was going to arrest me. Well Mike , Christina, D.J., and Joseph (friends little boy) all started walking back to the vehicles where we found D.J.’s car seat in the back of Mike’s truck. Chris had disappeared. The next day my friend (Sharon) came and picked me and D.J. up so I could go wash clothes at her house and try to find Chris. She called Kent and got in touch with Chris. She managed to talk him into coming over and talking to me. He told her that he did not do anything wrong, that Christina walked in on him taking a shit and wouldn’t get out. Knowing better than that I still decided to work everything out and try again to save my marriage.
In October or November of 2004 I found out I was pregnant again. The baby was due in July. When I was about 5 months pregnant Chris left and moved in with his sister in Alexandria. I found out that I had Gestational Diabetes and was having to go to the Doctor twice a week. I wrote Chris letters keeping him informed about what was going on and we called to talk to him also. I finally talked Chris into coming back home about a week before the baby was born.
April of 2006, Chris filed for divorce. He was seeing a woman name Denise. Later I found out he was engaged to her. Our divorce was final February 7, 2007. I don’t remember if it was before or after the divorce but Chris came to pick the kids (D.J. and Christian) up for the weekend. When he came to bring them home (I was pregnant) and he started asking questions about me being pregnant. He said it was obviously, which at the time it wasn’t, but I went ahead and told him I was. He said my boobs were bigger and I asked him why he was looking at them since he was engaged to another woman. He said he couldn’t help but to notice. Needless to say after I got the kids to sleep he decided he wanted to play around. He talked me into giving him a blow job. So we went to the bedroom and we played around. Well after he left I went to the neighbors house and told them what happen since they were good friends with the girl he was engaged to. They talked me into sending Denise an email telling her what happen. They ended up splitting up, he moved in with her uncle next door and started sleeping with me again. Then he decided to get back with her. He went back and forth for a couple weeks until she finally got enough. He moved back in with me and the kids until he left to go live in Alexandria with his sister. Shortly after that the kids and I lost our home and moved in with a friend of mine. We didn’t stay to long cause it was entirely to crowded. We moved to Gonzales to stay at my dad’s ex-wife (Anne).
In January 2008 Chris and I talked, I typed him a 5 page text message telling him how much I still loved him even after all he had put me threw and how together we made it threw so much. Well we talked each other into getting back together and getting remarried. He told me I was the only one he ever loved and all kinds of other stuff. He was trying to get into the National Guard and his brother-in-laws brother or somebody was trying to help him get in. He ended up moving in with us in February of 2008 and we remarried on April 26,2008. We moved into a house in Livingston in I think June. Everything was going great. My Grandfather passed away and he was there for me. He had a good job and was working overtime. He was gone for over 70 hours a week working. We had money. We were doing things as a family. He wanted to adopt my youngest son since his father never had anything to do with him. We were working on getting him into the National Guard. The Recruiter finally came out to talk to us about the benefits and all of being in the National Guard. I got all his paperwork ready. He was able to list Sarah and Dallas as his step children so we could get more money in while he was gone. Thanksgiving we had a big dinner at our house and did a little birthday party for Sarah. His brother, and brother’s girlfriend came over to eat. My mom later showed up to wish Sarah a happy birthday and try some of the food we cooked.
Christmas was the best we had ever had I managed to save up more than $1000.00 not including the dinner we planned to make. We all got bikes and had plenty of gifts to unwrap. The kids were happy and so were we. We cooked a Christmas dinner and took it to my grandmother’s house since it was her first Christmas with out my grandfather. A week before Christmas Chris got laid off. A friend of his got him a job with a company working in Jennings starting the week after Christmas and would be home for New Years. We made a deal that he would take off of work 2 weeks before it was time for him to leave for boot camp and spend with me and the kids. He came home New Years Eve night. Me and the kids went and picked him up. That night was great. The next week when he was gone something wasn’t right. At first he was telling me that he was that he would never leave me for no reason. Then he said he couldn’t take it anymore that he didn’t want to live with me. The next weekend that he came back home he was sleeping on the couch. The second night he was there I tried talking to him to try to work things out but he kept pretending to be asleep. I took one of the pillows off the couch and hit him with it. He ended up getting pissed off cause I was making a lot of noise and saying things so he got up and left. Next thing I know he pulls back up in the driveway with the police. He told them I was hitting him and he couldn’t get any sleep. The police ended up making him get some clothes and leave. He went to his brothers (Kent) house and came back the next day to get the rest of his stuff. While he was packing his car up he told the kids that him and momma got in to a fight and he had to leave. With him right there I corrected him. I told the kids yes momma and daddy had an argument but daddy is leaving because he wants to. I didn’t want my kids to think it was alright to get in a fight and runaway from it.
Chris came to the house one or two times to visit the kids and I brought them to see him at his brothers house since he started refusing to spend time with them. He was due to leave for boot camp on February 26, 2009. He made up several excuses not to come see the kids. He said he didn’t want to have to see me anymore so he wasn’t coming. I later found out that he went to Kansas to visit his mother that he had been in contact with for about a month and a half to two months. Before Chris left for boot camp I asked him if I could file the income taxes and he said yes. Use it for rent and to catch up on the bills. At first he said that he didn’t want any of it and that me and the kids could have it all. Then a little while later he said he wanted $1500.00. He was leaving for boot shortly after and he was working and not giving us any money so I told him the money wouldn’t be in until after he left. I bought me a desktop computer and the kids a laptop. I paid 2 months of rent, got caught up on some bills, had to get some things fixed on my van, got the kids and myself some clothes, and brought the kids to Chuck E. Cheese a couple times. By the end of March I didn’t know how I was going to pay for April rent. I tried getting in touch with Chris threw the military. He called once and said that since I got the income tax money he wasn’t sending me anything. My friend (Rhonda) offered me and the kids a place to stay so we moved in with her and her 2 kids.
I was given this 800 number for military families. They helped me get in touch with the right people to find out exactly where Chris was and how to get in touch with his commanders and sergeants. They were helpful for a little while. They helped me get counseling for a little while. I ended up having to get on welfare, food stamps, and had to put Christian and Dallas in a daycare that they screamed every time I dropped them off. It was awful. Dallas was getting bit by other kids and the workers wouldn’t even acknowledge it. Chris called once and chewed me out for calling them. Said I was trying to get him thrown out. I told him I just wanted him to do the right thing and help his family out. The kids and I continued to write him cause I was told that he needed a lot of encouragement. I posted stuff on the internet asking family and friends to write him to help keep up his mental status and help him concentrate on what’s important. I know two people that wrote him letters. One was Sharon and the other was Rhonda. I can’t remember if they ever got a response back or not. I kept in contact with his sergeants and they would contact me to see if Chris was sending any money home. He sent $60 home the first time, claiming that was all he had. The second time I think was about $350. The last time he sent money home, he sent $1300. He called maybe twice to talk to the kids. I asked him if he still wanted me and the kids to be at his graduation. He said that with the move and everything he didn’t think it would be a good idea. One of his sergeants asked me why we never went to visit Chris when he was in Mississippi. I told him Chris never told me, we could visit him and I didn’t know. He said yeah on the weekends they had family time.
About 3 months after I moved in with Rhonda, her brother and I had a fallen out and me and the kids ended up moving in with my friend Sharon. Chris called once or twice while we were there checking up on D.J. and Christian. Sarah would try to talk to him but he wouldn’t talk to her at all. Sharon would tell Dallas to talk to daddy and Chris would either hang up or tell him to give the phone to Aunt Sharon. At this point, he wouldn’t speak to me at all. I think I managed to get on the phone with him once and asked him to please send me the money he was receiving for me and the kids. He told me he wasn’t sending any more money cause he needed it. I told him that me and the kids needed it more than he did and he just hung up on me.
Sharon’s sister was due to move home at the end of July which meant that me and the kids could no longer stay there. We ended up moving in with my mom. Chris got out of boot camp and I found out he was assigned to the Gonzales National Guard. So I went by there and talked to his 1st sergeant and he gave me a number to get in touch with Chris after telling him what all me and the kids had been threw. The 1st sergeant also told me that Chris had moved to Kansas and listed his mother as his emergency contact. He had also took me off all his paper work other than the one that he was receiving money for me. After I left the National Guard that day I called Chris. I told him that the kids were starting school and they needed uniforms and supplies. He again told me he was not going to send me any money and also told me he was going to take D.J. and Christian from me and I would never see them again. He ended up hanging up on me so I began to text him. I told him when, not if, his mother screws him over don’t come running to anybody down here cause we are all tired of his lies and stupidity. After that I did not hear from him. His phone number was changed the next day.
Shortly after I moved in with my mother, she asked me to sign over custody of the kids to her so she could get social security for them. My youngest brother had turned 18 and she was no longer getting a check for him. She also lost out on her child support for him.
Living with my mom was hell. I cooked, cleaned, and took care of her, my little brother, and my kids. My mom was hitting Christian all the time. D.J. was treated like crap. Dallas and Sarah were her favorites I think. The kids were miserable. I was miserable. One day my mom went and picked Christian up from school and when they got back she told him to go home, she had parked next door. Well Sarah came in and asked me if Christian had come in and I said no. I went outside to see where he was and nobody seemed to know. Mom started off down the road and told me to go get the van. Christian had walked about a half a mile up the road and mom was stripping a switch. She started hitting him with it and I looked at her and told her if she ever touched my son again I would kill her. I dropped her off at the neighbors house and got all the kids and loaded them up. We went to Sharon’s house and I tried to get her to take the kids. She had to leave for a little while to bring her sister to L.S.U. to drop off her truck. Before she got back my brother in law walked in the door and when the kids tried talking to him he just walked away. So I loaded the kids up and went back to the house. I fixed them something to eat and walked outside very frustrated, confused, and lost. I didn’t know what to do. So out of desperation of a solution I took some extra meds that made me a little sleepy. I sent a text to my mom, step mom, and Sharon saying I was tired of the pain and I was going to make it all go away. My mom called her friend across the street (the asst. corner) and asked him to come check on me. Sharon was calling but I wasn’t answering. We sat out on the steps talking for a while. He ended up answering and telling Sharon that she needed to come sit with the kids that I needed to go to the emergency room. I was admitted in the hospital for testing and was told that the put a physicians hold on me. This all happened on Friday. That Monday my mom brought Dallas to come see me and when I was talking to my doctor she decided she was going to put her two cents in and it pissed me off. I told her that she needed to leave. She tried to take Dallas but I told her no she was not taking him. I called Sharon and she was worried about the other 3 kids so she went and got them out of school. I told Sharon that she had complete say so over the kids and what they did. Later that day I was shipped to St. Clare’s. I was told that they had put a corner’s hold on me and that I would have to stay up to 17 days. While I was at St. Clare’s my doctor and social worker kept pushing me to do a family meeting with my mom there. I kept telling them that was a bad idea.
Sharon made arrangements with Rhonda to keep the kids for the Halloween weekend. The Thursday before that was the family meeting in which I agreed to have my mother join. It was me, Sharon, the social worker, and Diane (my mother). Sharon told me that she talked to 3 different people and they all said the kids would be better off with Diane. I told her that if she got her hands back on the kids she better make sure that she said her goodbyes to all of them. I said Dallas will be the first to go, then D.J. and Christian, and then Sarah. The social worker tried to tell me that she was not going to do that cause if she did it would be very traumatic to the children. She told Diane that it would be especially traumatic to Dallas cause he did not know who his father was. Diane said she would never do that cause she could only imagine what it would do to the kids. She also told my social worker that I could not go back to her house when I got out cause of what I did. We finished up the family meeting and later that evening I called to talk to the kids. They seemed to be okay. Friday after the kids got in from school I called to talk to the kids and she wouldn’t answer. I waited until later and tried to call again and she wouldn’t answer. Saturday morning I called and she answered. I talked to all the kids and she said her and her friend (Toni Moran) was going to bring the kids trick r treating. I said okay and asked her to please take plenty of pictures. She said she would. I tried to call later that day but nobody would answer her cell phone. Sunday I couldn’t get anybody to answer the house phone or the cell phone, so I called Sharon and she said she would go over there when she got off work. When she got there she called me and told me that Dallas was not there that he was at Toni’s house. So Sharon put Sarah on the phone and I asked her where Dallas was. Sarah told me I would have to ask Nana (Diane). I told her no I was asking her and she pulled the phone away and said “Nana mom is asking about Dallas!” Christian got on the phone and said “Dallas is with his daddy” I said what and again Christian said “Dallas is with his daddy, momma” D.J. wouldn’t talk to me at all and Sharon said he wouldn’t talk to her either. Sarah got back on the phone and I told her that it didn’t matter what Nana said that I wanted her to say yes or no and that Nana didn’t have to know she told me anything. She said okay. I asked her if Dallas was with Nate and she said yes. I told her it was okay and that I wasn’t going to tell Nana that she said anything. I got out the hospital on November 2nd, that day I went to try to find Dallas. The next day I went to see Christian at school and his teacher told me that Diane had checked the kids out the day before to go to the doctor and the kids had not been back to school. I called Joey (Sarah’s dad) and he said he had not seen her. I went to the airport to see if she was putting D.J. and Christian on a plane. Then I went to Diane’s house and she was not there. Tre’ was there and I asked him where Diane was. He said he didn’t know that she had been gone since the day before. Later that day Joey finally called and told me Diane had just dropped Sarah off at his mom’s house and that she was safe. Sarah told me that Nana brought D.J. and Christian to Chris. 2 social workers and 1 ocs worker told Diane how traumatic it would be to the kids if she was to separate them and she did it anyway.
It has been over 5 months now and despite my efforts with trying to get in touch with Chris or even just the boys has failed. I have contacted the local police, state troopers, the sheriff’s office and nobody will help me. I have tried seeking help with the National Guard and even though they feel it isn’t right that Chris has kept the kids from me this long, nobody will make him call me. There is a lot that has happened that is not mentioned in all that is here. For instance, Chris is living with his mother who lost her parental rights when he was very young. Not just of him but of 4 of his siblings also. I have documents saying that his mother and stepfather introduced him to cocaine at age 5-7. The things these people did to their own kids is horrifying and now they have my kids. I am looking for any and all help that I can get with getting my divorce, and full legal custody of my children. I have Sarah and Dallas back with me. Please, if there is anybody out there that can help me with getting my kids back, please contact me at 225-364-5984, 225-627-2067, or tolberttina@hotmail.com.
One day Chris came home from work and was on crutches. I don’t remember what happened. He was still able to work but was sitting in the car all day watching the gate where the job was. Well one day I got on the computer to find an email from Chris to some girl with an email address babygirl something. The email was giving this girl directions to where he was working, asking her to meet him. The email address he had obviously was not the correct one cause it came back as failed delivery.
Mardi Gras the following year we went to the Spanish Town parade were we met up with Kent. I had called a friend of mine and had her husband and kids meet us. Well they had his cousin (Doug) and girlfriend (Christina) meet us. At the last minute Doug backed out leaving Christina to go with us. Well Chris and Christina had been drinking and after the parade started Chris and Christina came up missing for a little bit. I went back to the house and found my friends husband (Mike) standing at the bathroom door. I asked him if he knew where Chris was, he said he thinks he is in the bathroom. I said ok where is Christina. He said he hadn’t seen her. I knocked on the door and asked Chris what he was doing, he said he was taking a shit. I asked him where Christina was and he said she had walked in on him. I went around to the other door to find her walking out and him pulling his pants up. I hit him a few times and left. His family or somebody called the cops and when we started walking away the cop walked up to me and told me I needed to wait for him to walk away and if I hit him again she was going to arrest me. Well Mike , Christina, D.J., and Joseph (friends little boy) all started walking back to the vehicles where we found D.J.’s car seat in the back of Mike’s truck. Chris had disappeared. The next day my friend (Sharon) came and picked me and D.J. up so I could go wash clothes at her house and try to find Chris. She called Kent and got in touch with Chris. She managed to talk him into coming over and talking to me. He told her that he did not do anything wrong, that Christina walked in on him taking a shit and wouldn’t get out. Knowing better than that I still decided to work everything out and try again to save my marriage.
In October or November of 2004 I found out I was pregnant again. The baby was due in July. When I was about 5 months pregnant Chris left and moved in with his sister in Alexandria. I found out that I had Gestational Diabetes and was having to go to the Doctor twice a week. I wrote Chris letters keeping him informed about what was going on and we called to talk to him also. I finally talked Chris into coming back home about a week before the baby was born.
April of 2006, Chris filed for divorce. He was seeing a woman name Denise. Later I found out he was engaged to her. Our divorce was final February 7, 2007. I don’t remember if it was before or after the divorce but Chris came to pick the kids (D.J. and Christian) up for the weekend. When he came to bring them home (I was pregnant) and he started asking questions about me being pregnant. He said it was obviously, which at the time it wasn’t, but I went ahead and told him I was. He said my boobs were bigger and I asked him why he was looking at them since he was engaged to another woman. He said he couldn’t help but to notice. Needless to say after I got the kids to sleep he decided he wanted to play around. He talked me into giving him a blow job. So we went to the bedroom and we played around. Well after he left I went to the neighbors house and told them what happen since they were good friends with the girl he was engaged to. They talked me into sending Denise an email telling her what happen. They ended up splitting up, he moved in with her uncle next door and started sleeping with me again. Then he decided to get back with her. He went back and forth for a couple weeks until she finally got enough. He moved back in with me and the kids until he left to go live in Alexandria with his sister. Shortly after that the kids and I lost our home and moved in with a friend of mine. We didn’t stay to long cause it was entirely to crowded. We moved to Gonzales to stay at my dad’s ex-wife (Anne).
In January 2008 Chris and I talked, I typed him a 5 page text message telling him how much I still loved him even after all he had put me threw and how together we made it threw so much. Well we talked each other into getting back together and getting remarried. He told me I was the only one he ever loved and all kinds of other stuff. He was trying to get into the National Guard and his brother-in-laws brother or somebody was trying to help him get in. He ended up moving in with us in February of 2008 and we remarried on April 26,2008. We moved into a house in Livingston in I think June. Everything was going great. My Grandfather passed away and he was there for me. He had a good job and was working overtime. He was gone for over 70 hours a week working. We had money. We were doing things as a family. He wanted to adopt my youngest son since his father never had anything to do with him. We were working on getting him into the National Guard. The Recruiter finally came out to talk to us about the benefits and all of being in the National Guard. I got all his paperwork ready. He was able to list Sarah and Dallas as his step children so we could get more money in while he was gone. Thanksgiving we had a big dinner at our house and did a little birthday party for Sarah. His brother, and brother’s girlfriend came over to eat. My mom later showed up to wish Sarah a happy birthday and try some of the food we cooked.
Christmas was the best we had ever had I managed to save up more than $1000.00 not including the dinner we planned to make. We all got bikes and had plenty of gifts to unwrap. The kids were happy and so were we. We cooked a Christmas dinner and took it to my grandmother’s house since it was her first Christmas with out my grandfather. A week before Christmas Chris got laid off. A friend of his got him a job with a company working in Jennings starting the week after Christmas and would be home for New Years. We made a deal that he would take off of work 2 weeks before it was time for him to leave for boot camp and spend with me and the kids. He came home New Years Eve night. Me and the kids went and picked him up. That night was great. The next week when he was gone something wasn’t right. At first he was telling me that he was that he would never leave me for no reason. Then he said he couldn’t take it anymore that he didn’t want to live with me. The next weekend that he came back home he was sleeping on the couch. The second night he was there I tried talking to him to try to work things out but he kept pretending to be asleep. I took one of the pillows off the couch and hit him with it. He ended up getting pissed off cause I was making a lot of noise and saying things so he got up and left. Next thing I know he pulls back up in the driveway with the police. He told them I was hitting him and he couldn’t get any sleep. The police ended up making him get some clothes and leave. He went to his brothers (Kent) house and came back the next day to get the rest of his stuff. While he was packing his car up he told the kids that him and momma got in to a fight and he had to leave. With him right there I corrected him. I told the kids yes momma and daddy had an argument but daddy is leaving because he wants to. I didn’t want my kids to think it was alright to get in a fight and runaway from it.
Chris came to the house one or two times to visit the kids and I brought them to see him at his brothers house since he started refusing to spend time with them. He was due to leave for boot camp on February 26, 2009. He made up several excuses not to come see the kids. He said he didn’t want to have to see me anymore so he wasn’t coming. I later found out that he went to Kansas to visit his mother that he had been in contact with for about a month and a half to two months. Before Chris left for boot camp I asked him if I could file the income taxes and he said yes. Use it for rent and to catch up on the bills. At first he said that he didn’t want any of it and that me and the kids could have it all. Then a little while later he said he wanted $1500.00. He was leaving for boot shortly after and he was working and not giving us any money so I told him the money wouldn’t be in until after he left. I bought me a desktop computer and the kids a laptop. I paid 2 months of rent, got caught up on some bills, had to get some things fixed on my van, got the kids and myself some clothes, and brought the kids to Chuck E. Cheese a couple times. By the end of March I didn’t know how I was going to pay for April rent. I tried getting in touch with Chris threw the military. He called once and said that since I got the income tax money he wasn’t sending me anything. My friend (Rhonda) offered me and the kids a place to stay so we moved in with her and her 2 kids.
I was given this 800 number for military families. They helped me get in touch with the right people to find out exactly where Chris was and how to get in touch with his commanders and sergeants. They were helpful for a little while. They helped me get counseling for a little while. I ended up having to get on welfare, food stamps, and had to put Christian and Dallas in a daycare that they screamed every time I dropped them off. It was awful. Dallas was getting bit by other kids and the workers wouldn’t even acknowledge it. Chris called once and chewed me out for calling them. Said I was trying to get him thrown out. I told him I just wanted him to do the right thing and help his family out. The kids and I continued to write him cause I was told that he needed a lot of encouragement. I posted stuff on the internet asking family and friends to write him to help keep up his mental status and help him concentrate on what’s important. I know two people that wrote him letters. One was Sharon and the other was Rhonda. I can’t remember if they ever got a response back or not. I kept in contact with his sergeants and they would contact me to see if Chris was sending any money home. He sent $60 home the first time, claiming that was all he had. The second time I think was about $350. The last time he sent money home, he sent $1300. He called maybe twice to talk to the kids. I asked him if he still wanted me and the kids to be at his graduation. He said that with the move and everything he didn’t think it would be a good idea. One of his sergeants asked me why we never went to visit Chris when he was in Mississippi. I told him Chris never told me, we could visit him and I didn’t know. He said yeah on the weekends they had family time.
About 3 months after I moved in with Rhonda, her brother and I had a fallen out and me and the kids ended up moving in with my friend Sharon. Chris called once or twice while we were there checking up on D.J. and Christian. Sarah would try to talk to him but he wouldn’t talk to her at all. Sharon would tell Dallas to talk to daddy and Chris would either hang up or tell him to give the phone to Aunt Sharon. At this point, he wouldn’t speak to me at all. I think I managed to get on the phone with him once and asked him to please send me the money he was receiving for me and the kids. He told me he wasn’t sending any more money cause he needed it. I told him that me and the kids needed it more than he did and he just hung up on me.
Sharon’s sister was due to move home at the end of July which meant that me and the kids could no longer stay there. We ended up moving in with my mom. Chris got out of boot camp and I found out he was assigned to the Gonzales National Guard. So I went by there and talked to his 1st sergeant and he gave me a number to get in touch with Chris after telling him what all me and the kids had been threw. The 1st sergeant also told me that Chris had moved to Kansas and listed his mother as his emergency contact. He had also took me off all his paper work other than the one that he was receiving money for me. After I left the National Guard that day I called Chris. I told him that the kids were starting school and they needed uniforms and supplies. He again told me he was not going to send me any money and also told me he was going to take D.J. and Christian from me and I would never see them again. He ended up hanging up on me so I began to text him. I told him when, not if, his mother screws him over don’t come running to anybody down here cause we are all tired of his lies and stupidity. After that I did not hear from him. His phone number was changed the next day.
Shortly after I moved in with my mother, she asked me to sign over custody of the kids to her so she could get social security for them. My youngest brother had turned 18 and she was no longer getting a check for him. She also lost out on her child support for him.
Living with my mom was hell. I cooked, cleaned, and took care of her, my little brother, and my kids. My mom was hitting Christian all the time. D.J. was treated like crap. Dallas and Sarah were her favorites I think. The kids were miserable. I was miserable. One day my mom went and picked Christian up from school and when they got back she told him to go home, she had parked next door. Well Sarah came in and asked me if Christian had come in and I said no. I went outside to see where he was and nobody seemed to know. Mom started off down the road and told me to go get the van. Christian had walked about a half a mile up the road and mom was stripping a switch. She started hitting him with it and I looked at her and told her if she ever touched my son again I would kill her. I dropped her off at the neighbors house and got all the kids and loaded them up. We went to Sharon’s house and I tried to get her to take the kids. She had to leave for a little while to bring her sister to L.S.U. to drop off her truck. Before she got back my brother in law walked in the door and when the kids tried talking to him he just walked away. So I loaded the kids up and went back to the house. I fixed them something to eat and walked outside very frustrated, confused, and lost. I didn’t know what to do. So out of desperation of a solution I took some extra meds that made me a little sleepy. I sent a text to my mom, step mom, and Sharon saying I was tired of the pain and I was going to make it all go away. My mom called her friend across the street (the asst. corner) and asked him to come check on me. Sharon was calling but I wasn’t answering. We sat out on the steps talking for a while. He ended up answering and telling Sharon that she needed to come sit with the kids that I needed to go to the emergency room. I was admitted in the hospital for testing and was told that the put a physicians hold on me. This all happened on Friday. That Monday my mom brought Dallas to come see me and when I was talking to my doctor she decided she was going to put her two cents in and it pissed me off. I told her that she needed to leave. She tried to take Dallas but I told her no she was not taking him. I called Sharon and she was worried about the other 3 kids so she went and got them out of school. I told Sharon that she had complete say so over the kids and what they did. Later that day I was shipped to St. Clare’s. I was told that they had put a corner’s hold on me and that I would have to stay up to 17 days. While I was at St. Clare’s my doctor and social worker kept pushing me to do a family meeting with my mom there. I kept telling them that was a bad idea.
Sharon made arrangements with Rhonda to keep the kids for the Halloween weekend. The Thursday before that was the family meeting in which I agreed to have my mother join. It was me, Sharon, the social worker, and Diane (my mother). Sharon told me that she talked to 3 different people and they all said the kids would be better off with Diane. I told her that if she got her hands back on the kids she better make sure that she said her goodbyes to all of them. I said Dallas will be the first to go, then D.J. and Christian, and then Sarah. The social worker tried to tell me that she was not going to do that cause if she did it would be very traumatic to the children. She told Diane that it would be especially traumatic to Dallas cause he did not know who his father was. Diane said she would never do that cause she could only imagine what it would do to the kids. She also told my social worker that I could not go back to her house when I got out cause of what I did. We finished up the family meeting and later that evening I called to talk to the kids. They seemed to be okay. Friday after the kids got in from school I called to talk to the kids and she wouldn’t answer. I waited until later and tried to call again and she wouldn’t answer. Saturday morning I called and she answered. I talked to all the kids and she said her and her friend (Toni Moran) was going to bring the kids trick r treating. I said okay and asked her to please take plenty of pictures. She said she would. I tried to call later that day but nobody would answer her cell phone. Sunday I couldn’t get anybody to answer the house phone or the cell phone, so I called Sharon and she said she would go over there when she got off work. When she got there she called me and told me that Dallas was not there that he was at Toni’s house. So Sharon put Sarah on the phone and I asked her where Dallas was. Sarah told me I would have to ask Nana (Diane). I told her no I was asking her and she pulled the phone away and said “Nana mom is asking about Dallas!” Christian got on the phone and said “Dallas is with his daddy” I said what and again Christian said “Dallas is with his daddy, momma” D.J. wouldn’t talk to me at all and Sharon said he wouldn’t talk to her either. Sarah got back on the phone and I told her that it didn’t matter what Nana said that I wanted her to say yes or no and that Nana didn’t have to know she told me anything. She said okay. I asked her if Dallas was with Nate and she said yes. I told her it was okay and that I wasn’t going to tell Nana that she said anything. I got out the hospital on November 2nd, that day I went to try to find Dallas. The next day I went to see Christian at school and his teacher told me that Diane had checked the kids out the day before to go to the doctor and the kids had not been back to school. I called Joey (Sarah’s dad) and he said he had not seen her. I went to the airport to see if she was putting D.J. and Christian on a plane. Then I went to Diane’s house and she was not there. Tre’ was there and I asked him where Diane was. He said he didn’t know that she had been gone since the day before. Later that day Joey finally called and told me Diane had just dropped Sarah off at his mom’s house and that she was safe. Sarah told me that Nana brought D.J. and Christian to Chris. 2 social workers and 1 ocs worker told Diane how traumatic it would be to the kids if she was to separate them and she did it anyway.
It has been over 5 months now and despite my efforts with trying to get in touch with Chris or even just the boys has failed. I have contacted the local police, state troopers, the sheriff’s office and nobody will help me. I have tried seeking help with the National Guard and even though they feel it isn’t right that Chris has kept the kids from me this long, nobody will make him call me. There is a lot that has happened that is not mentioned in all that is here. For instance, Chris is living with his mother who lost her parental rights when he was very young. Not just of him but of 4 of his siblings also. I have documents saying that his mother and stepfather introduced him to cocaine at age 5-7. The things these people did to their own kids is horrifying and now they have my kids. I am looking for any and all help that I can get with getting my divorce, and full legal custody of my children. I have Sarah and Dallas back with me. Please, if there is anybody out there that can help me with getting my kids back, please contact me at 225-364-5984, 225-627-2067, or tolberttina@hotmail.com.
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